Well, we are settling back into the daily grind of waiting and missing our little boy like crazy. There really are no words to describe what it is like to say goodbye and now we have done it three times. We are so lucky to have spent this time with Eli, but we are certainly tired of saying goodbye. It helps knowing that his foster family loves him dearly and considers him a part of their family. They were so excited to see him at the end of our trip and he them. Eli is simply thriving in their care. He is healthy, happy, and developmentally right on track.

On this trip, for the first time, we could actually visualize Eli coming home. Being together as a family felt more real than ever. It is a wonderful feeling to have, though bittersweet when we have to say goodbye. On the way to Guatemala, we watched the movie "Martian Child" on the plane. It is a beautiful movie about adoption and finding that place of love, acceptance, and belonging. By the end of the movie, Jason and I were both crying, blubbering messes but it was the perfect beginning for an amazing week with our sweet pea. There are two quotes from the movie that stood out to me (may not be exact wording):

"We reached out into the universe and found one another. I don't know how and I don't know why, but we did and that is where we belong."

"Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give up."

This past week with Eli was incredible in so many ways. It reinforced to us that everything we have been through on our journey to parenthood led us directly to little pea, all in perfect timing. And, the delays we are experiencing in bringing him home have provided us life changing opportunities. This realization does not take away the pain, anxiety, and longing but it helps us to focus on all of the wonderful blessings we have received in the midst of waiting. When I reflect back on everything we have experienced in the the past year, pain and anxiety is not the first thing I feel. I feel joy, gratitude, and overwhelming love. I will continue to feel anxious until our sweet pea comes home, but I will not allow that to erase the incredible love and joy he has brought into our lives. We smiled from ear to ear and laughed A LOT the whole week with Eli. I am still laughing out loud just thinking of Eli's funnies!! Here is one sweet moment. Oh, the simple things that make children laugh!! Enjoy.

Semana Santa

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Home

Well, we made it back...barely! Our last night in Guate started out great!! We went to dinner with some new friends (Danny, Brittney, and sweet babygirl Kinsey) and then spent the rest of the evening playing in our room. Eli was in such a playful mood and he was making us laugh all evening! Then, it all went downhill! I started feeling a little sick, but did not really think much about it and went to bed. Well, it wasn't long before the chills started, then the sweating and high fever, then the vomitting, then the severe stomach pains...the doctor arrived around 6:30am. Thank goodness the Marriott has a doctor on-call! He gave me a pain medication and some antibiotics. Oh, it was awful! Poor Jason was up all night taking care of me, Eli, running to the pharmacy, and then packing all of our bags to go home. Have I mentioned that I have the BEST husband? For awhile, it was questionable whether we were going to make our flight home, but we did and it was a very long day! I definitely feel a bit better today, but still on the mend.

We had such an amazing trip and have lots to share, including Eli's first haircut!! This boy has a serious head of hair! It grows straight up. I have a feeling we will be spending a lot of money on haircuts and hair product!! His foster mother said she tried to cut it, but he would not sit still. So, we took him to the salon at the Marriott for a little trim.

Before....constant bedhead

After

More cuteness

"Yay! Look how tall I am!!!"

Ya, and look how much Jason is struggling to hold up this big pea! Hee hee!! :)

Waiting for one of the Semana Santa processions to start. Eli was such a trooper throughout all of our adventures!!

Ahhhhh, daddy love. Jason and Eli started this adorable game while waiting for another procession. Eli would lay his head on Jason's chest and they would both say "ahhhhhhh." This went on over and over. Oh, soooo sweet!!!

"Wow!! I am king of the world!!!" Eli also enjoyed using Jason's head as a drum!

Standing up at the big boy picnic table.

Playing with his buddy Aeson at MonoLoco restaurant in Antigua.

Eli practicing his wave with mommy.

Having fun with the activity table!!

Check out Kimberly's blog for some more pics!!!

We're Here!!!

We made it!! Sorry is has taken so long to update, but we have been BUSY!!! And, we are about to head off again on another adventure so I don't have much time. We are having an amazing time. We are staying in Antigua with Kimberly and Aeson and Kimberly has been such a great hostess! We spent all day yesterday watching the Semana Santa processions and it was INCREDIBLE!!! We have tons of pics to share later.

Eli has been doing very well despite some separation anxiety. He is cleary very attached to his foster mother and that is wonderful. He is so much fun and such a sweet boy.

Okay, gotta go. Antigua is waiting for us! ;)

In the meantime, here are a few pics to tide you over!

Holding up Hope

From the last post: We know we are surrounded by love and hope. We know on the days that we feel very low, many of you are holding up that hope for us.

Look what arrived the day I wrote that. A box full of love and hope from my blogger pal, Nicole. Included was her Guatemalan cell phone she so generously gave to us to use on our next trip, a gift card for some "retail therapy," and the essentials for surviving an embassy appointment - snacks! Thank you, Nicole!!!!!!!

My brother and Chris came over on Sunday to install Eli's window valance. Isn't it incredible? We LOVE it!!!

Not only did we come home to a box of hope from Nicole, we also came home to a little surprise in Eli's room...the finished crib skirt!!!! My brother snuck in while we work! Oh, we just love, love, love it!! The nursery is close to being finished. Now, that is FULL of love and hope!!!

And, the preparations for our next trip have begun....yes, this is what we have to pack and this is not all of it. It is a sickness, I know. Retail therapy really does help. Hee hee!!! What better way to restore our hope than to love on our sweet pea. Oh, we can't wait!!!

Our attorney reported today that we are still in PGN. I have been fighting the urge to call PGN all week, mainly because I was too scared to hear bad news! Well, I finally broke down and called today to find out exactly where we are in the review process. Of course, I couldn't get through. I was hung up on a couple of times, was told to call back, and when I did call back I was told that Laura (the famous PGN receptionist) went home sick. Maybe tomorrow.

Happy 11 months!!!

mmmmmm...yummmmy teething biscuit

Can you believe it? Little pea is 11 months old!! Wow! Only a few more days, sweet pea.....


We really don't have anything to report. Still waiting...tick tock...tick tock...sigh...


I haven't posted much over the last week or so because, well, I really don't have much to say! Same old, same old...tired of waiting...aching for Eli to come home...anxious we may get kicked out again...blah, blah, blah. I am tired of "wow, I don't know how you guys do it," "why is it taking so long," "why can't you just go down and get him," and my favorite. "hang in there." I know people have the greatest intentions and, at this point, nobody even knows what to say anymore. I think we are all out of words. But, that's okay. No words are needed. We know we are surrounded by love and hope. We know on the days that we feel very low, many of you are holding up that hope for us.

But, honestly, I am really tired of myself right now!!! Can I take a vacation from myself?? I have been in such a fog the last couple of weeks. Numb is not really the right word, but it is the only one that comes to mind. I certainly don't feel "numb," yet I feel like I am just going through the motions of everyday life right now, very disconnected. My newest skill, or more like a symptom, is the ability to completely tune out everything that is going on around me with the flip of a switch. There could be 20 people in my office talking all at once and there are times I would not even notice. Pretty scary, eh? I think I am just feeling so worn out by this process, that I am turning into a zombie. I know it will pass and it is simply a coping method, but I am so ready to be DONE. There certainly is the possibility of being kicked out of PGN again and that thought makes me nauseous. But, there is nothing we can do at this point except wait and hold on tight to hope. I know this time waiting will pale in comparison to a lifetime with Eli. I know that one of these days, I will be begging for time to slow down. But, right now, this time waiting for Eli feels like an eternity!

Fav Foto Friday

Eli at his best!! He is such an active pea, he could barely sit still for a bottle!! So cute. Oh, do I love this sweet boy.

I called PGN on Monday and at that time we were with the 2nd reviewer. Ya, we've been there before. Let's hope this time we are approved. Come on. It's time. Please set us FREEEEEEE!!!

Picture Parade

A little something sweet in our inbox tonight!! Check out our CHUNKY pea!! Oh my gosh...look at those cheeks and those chubby little fingers! Hee hee!!! And, that toy action figure just cracks me up!

It's okay baby boy, mommy & daddy will be there very soon!!

"Really?? You're coming?? YIPPEEEEEE!!!!"
"Did you hear?? My mommy and daddy are coming!!!!!"

Ramblings of a Madman

I've had this overwhelming urge to post lately, but my thoughts are so random and jumbled lately that I feared I would just ramble-on incoherently. However, I'm going to give it a go anyway, so you've been warned.

First, I wanted to piggy back the comment Steph made about Eli feeling so far away. I too have been feeling the same lately. I didn't know Steph felt the same until I read the latest post. I find this feeling somewhat disconcerting. Throughout this process, this is the furthest Eli has felt from me. I hope this is just a natural progression of emotions, and it only last a short time because it is not a good feeling, to say the least. While on the topic of emotions, I've been looking for a way to explain all that we have experienced throughout this adoption. I don't like calling it a roller coaster ride. For one, it is cliche. Two, a roller coaster ride only lasts a short time - two minutes tops. This has certainly gone on longer than that. So, I am open to suggestions. How do you describe an experience where you have your heart ripped-out with bad news then handed back to you within days, sometimes hours or minutes with the best news you've heard in while? How do you describe the joy and bliss, the utter sadness and helplessness we've had to endure? However you describe it, we want off of this ride. We want our Eli for good!!

Despite all of the crap we've had to endure, in the same breath we feel very blessed. To put a positive spin on us having to wait as long as we have, it has given us the opportunity to experience Guatemala in ways we probably would not have otherwise. Had we flown through this adoption we probably would have never taken a visit trip, let alone three. It is because of having to wait we have met so many wonderful people, both here in the US and in Guatemala. We probably never would have got to see the hospital where Eli was born. We would not have experienced Christmas in Guatemala- one of the best experiences of my life. And now, we will get to see Semana Santa. The best part is we did this all with Eli. These will be important parts of Eli's life story. It because of all of these happenings that we have fallen madly in love with Guatemala. It is in our soul. We feel such a strong connection to Guatemala, even greater than this is being Eli''s birth country. I think I speak for both of us when I say, Guatemala is on our minds every hour of everyday. We are always plotting ways in which we can go there and stay for awhile (longer than a week). So, to say we are blessed is an understatement. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jumping up and down with joy the adoption has taken this long, but I do feel blessed.

Once again I think I speak for the both of us on this, we have been provided a deeper glimpse into inner beings, due to our excruciating wait. We have seen how strong we really are and can be in the face of hardship. I am amazed how gracefully we have gotten through all of this. That doesn't mean there haven't been some ugly days around here because there have been . . . some really ugly ones. But, we get back up to face the next challenge. People have said to me in the past when I tell them what is happening "I don't know how you guys do it." I once responded, and I truly believe this - this is the hardest thing I have ever done, yet it is the easiest. I think it is pretty obvious how it's been hard, but it has been so easy because I want this so badly. When something goes wrong with our adoption I don't have to wonder what we are going to do; I already know. We are going to do whatever is necessary to get through it and to rectify the issue. It's that easy, but not easy by any means. Anything worth doing is going to be difficult. I didn't fully realize what I was signing-on for when we decided on this adoption . . . I still don't.