Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Happy New Year!!

What a year it has been! Christmas Eve of 2006, Jason and I discussed that it would be our last Christmas as a family of two. Well, we were right! At the time, however, we assumed our little pea would be home by Christmas 2007. Instead, we spent our first Christmas together as a family of three in Guatemala. This year has certainly taught us a lot about assumptions and expectations: never assume and let go of any and all expectations. Much easier said than done! This past year has probably been one of the most exciting and one of the most difficult times of our lives. As hard as this process has been, it has also been full of pure love and joy. We have been so blessed by this precious little boy and we have been wrapped in the love and support of family, old friends, new friends we have met along the way, and complete strangers. I am completely amazed at how much our lives have changed as a result of this journey.



In the meantime, we continue to wait. Waiting is so hard. Waiting is so hard when there seems to be so much movement around us while we are stuck in this blackhole called PGN and with so much uncertainty still surrounding Guatemalan adoptions. This process is terribly unfair sometimes. Yes, I am feeling some pity tonight while also desperately trying to hold onto faith that there is a greater plan at work that I have yet to see or understand. Tonight I miss my little boy terribly; it is so excrutiatingly hard handing him back to his foster mom not knowing when we will be back to bring him home. There are no words to describe that experience. Even so, I would go back to Guatemala tomorrow and do it all over again to have those precious moments with Eli. So, as I wait and as I bask in a little pity tonight, I do find comfort and joy in the amazing week we had with Eli. Simply incredible and worth every tear saying goodbye.

12 comments:

Sandy said...

Oh Steph, the tears are flowing. Wish I could give you a great big hug! It's ok to wallow in pity tonight....leaving your child in Guatemala is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. The not knowing when you will see them again is soooooooooooo hard. Hang in there. Eli will come home. This journey will end and the end result is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it! Hugs girlie!!

the gFamily said...

Happy New Year! You are right... The waiting is so hard!! I pray that we don't have to wait too much longer!! Let us out, PGN!!

I love that pic of Eli! He is so handsome!!

The Aldridge's said...

Your baby is such a doll!!!!! I am hoping we are both out soon.I know how you feel about having you baby there and you here. We have visited twice and hoping will be out soon. We both have to hang in there together it wont be so long now. We are bringing our little ones home this year!!!!

Bobbi said...

Look at that boy's beautiful smile! Steph, my heart breaks for you. How I had hoped you would escape before the uncertainty. I am praying so hard for him to be out of PGN fast, fast, fast. you deserve at least that.

Feel pity, and sadness. Let yourself have that. THen, pick yourself up with the memories of Eli the past week. Soon you will be holding him all day every day!

Sending you hugs from here!--and Sr. Barrios a new pen so that when your file gets on his desk he has plenty of ink!!

Suzanne and Jayme said...

What a handsome little man. So good to hear you had a great visit trip. Our journey will come to an end with our children in our arms. Happy, happy New Year

Suzanne

Guatemama said...

Steph,
I am crying over here too. You are right this process is so so unfair. I am praying that you get to experience the joy and relief of your OUT of PGN call very soon. I dream of the day we all have our babies at home and just post updates and share mommy stories! Hang in there as best you can.

Jennifer & Derek said...

Steph,

I am crying right along with you. (((((HUG)))))

Just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you and all of us waiting to be done and begin the real journey!

Shelly said...

I too, believe there is a greater plan and have true faith that God's hands are all over this. That does not mean that my faith has not been challenged by this long and difficult wait. What I am absolutely sure of is though is that God has provided so many wonderful people to help lighten the load of this enormous and arduous journey. My heart has ached for you both but I can't truly understand how you feel or what you are going through. I am so happy that you have been blessed with new friends and strangers who have traveled (or are traveling) this same road. Having that type of unspoken support can be a lifeline. It has been amazing to be part of your journey. To see the love and support you have received has been a priceless gift to me. This is what life is all about. Eli will never understand all the gifts has truly brought to all of our lives...and the BEST is yet to come.

Emily said...

Both you and Eli are so blessed to have one another! I am praying for you and know that Eli will be home soon- keep the faith!!!

Emily

Josh said...

I am so sorry you had to hand him back again. There are no words.

I've been praying for you and will continue to do so.

Josh said...

(okay, that was from "jess" not "josh", evidently I am signed on as my husband)

Beth said...

((((HUGS))))

I have thought of you, Jason, and Eli more than I can tell you. You are such a wonderful family and it is time for you to start planning to be together.

This process is "crazy making" at times, and though we know it is unfair and does not make sense, it is never easy to accept that that is reason enough to be away from our babies.

I agree with Tracy, it will be a good day when all these posts and comments are about all the firsts, late nights, and hysterical things our children are doing! Soon enough.

Got any Ben 'n' Jerry's tonight?