I did it! I did all 7 days of Aimee's Adoption Awareness theme challenge! Woohoo! Okay, here is day 7!
Our journey to family has certainly had a significant impact on the ways in which we live our lives and view the world. Our struggle to build a family is definitely not something we focus on anymore, but we learned so much through that experience. We learned to never give up on love, never give up on our greatest dream, and never give up when it seems like there is nothing left to give. And, most importantly for me, it helped me find new sources of strength I didn't realize I had. Part of the experience of infertility for me was that sense of shame and self-doubt. I went through a period in which I questioned what Jason and I could possibly have done wrong to "deserve" this. I questioned my faith and, quite honestly, questioned whether or not I even deserved to be a mother. It was a very painful time for me. I felt like I lost a sense of who I was for awhile in trying to understand why something so amazing and miraculous came so easily to everyone but us. Yes, it was a very tough time!
As I worked through these issues and started to open my heart to other possibilities for our family, I also started to develop a new and stronger sense of myself. A stronger self that refused to give up on the dream of being a mom and raising a family with my wonderful husband. I realized that this was a dream worth fighting for, no matter what, and I decided that not having a family was just not negotiable! I started to realize that there was another plan for our family. It wasn't a Plan B or the last resort, as so many people often think of adoption. Infertility led us to adoption, it was part of our journey to finding our son. I never thought there would be a day when I would be so grateful for our infertility, but I am! So grateful.
I remember very clearly the day we learned that our last attempt at having a baby had failed and we decided that was enough. In leading up to that day, I was so unsure of how I would feel letting go of that dream. But, when that day arrived and we made the decision to pursue adoption, I felt this HUGE weight lifted from my heart and suddenly everything felt RIGHT. We closed a door that day and it seemed like the whole world opened up to us as a result.
Adoption has brought so much to our lives, more than what I can possibly express, even in daily posts like these! So, after much soul searching, we have decided that our family is not complete. What does this mean?
We are pursuing another adoption!!!!!
We are at the very beginning stages for a domestic adoption, but we are so excited!! Who knows where this next journey will lead, but I am sure it will be another roller coaster ride! I hope you all decide to ride along with us this time, too!