Saturday, November 14, 2009

What I love - Day 7...the next chapter

I did it! I did all 7 days of Aimee's Adoption Awareness theme challenge! Woohoo! Okay, here is day 7!

Our journey to family has certainly had a significant impact on the ways in which we live our lives and view the world. Our struggle to build a family is definitely not something we focus on anymore, but we learned so much through that experience. We learned to never give up on love, never give up on our greatest dream, and never give up when it seems like there is nothing left to give. And, most importantly for me, it helped me find new sources of strength I didn't realize I had. Part of the experience of infertility for me was that sense of shame and self-doubt. I went through a period in which I questioned what Jason and I could possibly have done wrong to "deserve" this. I questioned my faith and, quite honestly, questioned whether or not I even deserved to be a mother. It was a very painful time for me. I felt like I lost a sense of who I was for awhile in trying to understand why something so amazing and miraculous came so easily to everyone but us. Yes, it was a very tough time!

As I worked through these issues and started to open my heart to other possibilities for our family, I also started to develop a new and stronger sense of myself. A stronger self that refused to give up on the dream of being a mom and raising a family with my wonderful husband. I realized that this was a dream worth fighting for, no matter what, and I decided that not having a family was just not negotiable! I started to realize that there was another plan for our family. It wasn't a Plan B or the last resort, as so many people often think of adoption. Infertility led us to adoption, it was part of our journey to finding our son. I never thought there would be a day when I would be so grateful for our infertility, but I am! So grateful.

I remember very clearly the day we learned that our last attempt at having a baby had failed and we decided that was enough. In leading up to that day, I was so unsure of how I would feel letting go of that dream. But, when that day arrived and we made the decision to pursue adoption, I felt this HUGE weight lifted from my heart and suddenly everything felt RIGHT. We closed a door that day and it seemed like the whole world opened up to us as a result.

Adoption has brought so much to our lives, more than what I can possibly express, even in daily posts like these! So, after much soul searching, we have decided that our family is not complete. What does this mean?

We are pursuing another adoption!!!!!

We are at the very beginning stages for a domestic adoption, but we are so excited!! Who knows where this next journey will lead, but I am sure it will be another roller coaster ride! I hope you all decide to ride along with us this time, too!

16 comments:

aamayna said...

Oh Steph!!!!! I am so so so excited for you!!! this is great! We are actually pursuing another one too, I just havent' announced it yet on the blog (intl). This is great...we can experience it together!! Whoo hoo! I have so enjoyed getting to know you...when is the move to Ohio?!?!?!

Gardenia said...

Steph, congratulations! I'm so happy to share in your joy, and it must be overflowing in your house! so so happy for you. yes, I'd love to ride along !

Donna said...

TEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OHMYGOSH!!! CONGRATULATIONS to all three of you!!!

I am so honored and thrilled to tag along for the ride! And I'll certainly be praying as your footsteps and path are guided to the next chid(ren) to join your amazing family!

I have so loved your posts this. You did a great job. Thanks so much!

((hugs))

Nora said...

Steph! Congratulations!!! What a great brother Pea will make! Yea for you guys! Can't wait to know a little more!

Enjoy your weekend!

Tracy said...

WOW WOW WOW!!!! YEA!!! Oh I am so excited for you guys! I can't wait to see you grow your family!! Loved your posts this week too! OH yippeee! So excited for you.
Tracy
Jens Alex and Anika

Sally said...

Fantastic news!! Very excited for you, Jason and Eli!

Nicole said...

wow!!! Congratulations!!

So happy for you guys!

Bobbi said...

Oh, the tears don't want to stop!! Steph, I am so happy for you, Jason, and Eli. I cannot wait to follow along on this journey. My prayers will be for easy!!! you certainly deserve that. If there is anything you need I am happy to help. I certainly know you can handle so much after your trials with Eli.

I don't know why, but I had my suspicions that this was what was going to be coming at the end of this week.

Much Love to you all

Joelsburg said...

Yee-haw! What great news!

Jess said...

YEAH!!!!!!!! I am SO EXCITED!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!! Can't wait to see what's in store for this one!!! Eli's going to be a BIG brother!!!

The gFamily said...

Good thing I went back and read through your posts! That is SO exciting! I can't wait to join you on the next journey! I will be here cheering and praying through every step! WOW, I'm so excited!! I knew you guys would do it again! Yipeeeee!

Pineapple Princess said...

Congrats!! Congrats!! I am so super happy and excited for you!!

Whoo hoo!

Kim said...

Congratulations! What a huge step!I still don't know if Kate will be an only child. Still contemplating!

Lynn said...

I am so happy for you guys! Congratulations on your decision. I am so interested in how you guys are approaching this because similar thoughts are going through our head but we are not anywhere near as close as you are to a decision. So happy for you!!!

Gretchen said...

Yeah Steph!! I am just now catching up on your blog and so excited to hear your news! Good luck to you guys as I know that you will be picked by just the perfect birthmom. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions as we just went through a domestic adoption. Completely different! Congratulations!!

Beth said...

Oh wow! Something told me this might be coming!! I am just sitting here in a puddle of happy tears! Congratulations and much, much love!

I'd love to catch up with a cup of coffee and a loooooooonnnnnnngggg phone call over the break!!

YAY! YAY! YAY! Big hugs to all of you!