Like many of you who have adopted transracially, we often get a lot of stares. It usually doesn't bother me because I know people are just genuinely curious and interested and, well, I am guilty of being one of those people, too! I admit that I attempt to stare discreetly if I see a family that looks a bit like ours! It's just part of human nature to be curious about others. And, sometimes I wonder if one of those people staring is feeling the call to adoption and wanting to make a connection. But, there are those who cross the boundaries, like the guy in Wal-Mart who stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of an aisle to unabashedly stare at us for several minutes. We have also had our share of crazy comments and questions like "does he speak English" or "who could ever give him up?" or "Oh, you couldn't have kids of your own?" And, everyone is always interested in how pea is "adjusting." I usually don't mind answering people's questions and I can certainly talk for hours about our adoption process because I am so proud of how my family was created. But, there are times when it is a little annoying and tiring.
What I really want people to realize is that we are like any other family. I have learned that there are people who don't see us that way. Sometimes I feel like there is an extra layer of judgment placed upon us. Sometimes I feel like people are looking for something to be wrong with pea just because he was adopted. And, there are some people who feel we have no right to raise a child of color and he is bound to have a major identity crisis as a result. The hardest part is when some of these attitudes come from within the adoption community. Consequently, I have learned that it is so easy to get caught up in that adoption paranoia and self-doubt. Of course I think about how adoption affects our parenting and how our conversations about adoption will evolve as pea develops and asks more questions. Of course I think a lot about how to raise a Latino son in a very racist society. But, this doesn't define everything about our family. In fact, we're actually pretty boring!
Every family has something. Something extraordinary. Special. Unique. And, we are all just trying to do our best to raise happy, healthy, confident, and strong kids. Ultimately, how we became parents is not as important as how we choose to parent our extraordinary, special, and unique children.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
What I Love - Day 3
We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life.
But those who make their journey across time and miles,
growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us
by God's very own hands.
-Kristi Larson
But those who make their journey across time and miles,
growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us
by God's very own hands.
-Kristi Larson
One thing I love about adoption...about our adoption...is that it has renewed and strengthened my faith. I don't really like to discuss my religious and spiritual beliefs very often because it is very personal for me, something I prefer to keep to myself. But one thing is for sure, I believe 1000% that pea was meant to be our son and we were meant to be his parents. I believe that there was a "plan" for our family and there are so many events in our lives that just HAD to happen in order to bring our family together. It's quite amazing, really. I think of events like when our homestudy agency submitted our homestudy to the USCIS office without a signature and it delayed us being placed on the waiting list for a month! At the time, I was so upset! Now, I realize that delay was crucial to finding our sweet pea. It feels like nothing short of a miracle. I love these stories and all of the adventures that led to our family being together forever. These stories and adventures are uniquely our own and are woven together so perfectly by the hands of the spirit.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Adoption Awareness Day 2
I had no idea that when we started on our adoption journey we would not only become a family, but also become part of a community. I had no idea that adoption would bring so many wonderful and generous people into my life, both in the US and in Guatemala. I had no idea that I would NEED this community. I had no idea that adoption would inspire me to be a better person.
Our last dinner with pea's foster family...who we now consider part of our family.
Our last dinner with pea's foster family...who we now consider part of our family.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
National Adoption Awareness Month
As most of us already know, November is National Adoption Awareness Month! The original intent of this month was to raise awareness all the children in foster care in the United States waiting for a family, but it has grown to include all children and families touched by adoption.
My friend, Aimee, has challenged everyone to post ONE thing everyday this week on what you love or have learned from adoption. Visit her blog HERE. I am going to do my best so here goes my first thought...
One of the greatest things I have learned through being an adoptive mother is the power of letting go of fear and opening the heart in a million ways, but more specifically concerning pea's birth mother. When we started our adoption journey and were not quite sure which path we would choose, I certainly had some insecurities about having a relationship with my child's birthmother and fears that my role as mom would be always be inferior. But, now, I think of pea's birthmother daily and long for her to know how much her child is loved, that he is smart, funny, and full of joy. I long for her to know that he has her eyes and her nose. I feel a deep sadness that she cannot share in our joy of loving pea everyday. I hope that someday our paths will cross, but until that time my heart will always carry deep gratitude and grief for the woman who gave my son life. Adoption requires you to open your heart wide open, even when it feels uncomfortable, scary, and full of unknowns. Aimee also posted this poem a few days ago and it speaks beautifully to what it means, and feels like, to be an adoptive mother:
My friend, Aimee, has challenged everyone to post ONE thing everyday this week on what you love or have learned from adoption. Visit her blog HERE. I am going to do my best so here goes my first thought...
One of the greatest things I have learned through being an adoptive mother is the power of letting go of fear and opening the heart in a million ways, but more specifically concerning pea's birth mother. When we started our adoption journey and were not quite sure which path we would choose, I certainly had some insecurities about having a relationship with my child's birthmother and fears that my role as mom would be always be inferior. But, now, I think of pea's birthmother daily and long for her to know how much her child is loved, that he is smart, funny, and full of joy. I long for her to know that he has her eyes and her nose. I feel a deep sadness that she cannot share in our joy of loving pea everyday. I hope that someday our paths will cross, but until that time my heart will always carry deep gratitude and grief for the woman who gave my son life. Adoption requires you to open your heart wide open, even when it feels uncomfortable, scary, and full of unknowns. Aimee also posted this poem a few days ago and it speaks beautifully to what it means, and feels like, to be an adoptive mother:
Being an Adoptive Mother…
Being an adoptive mother is not for every woman.
She must possess not only the natural mother instinct but an understanding and appreciation of the situation that brought a child into her arms making her a mother.
The adoptive family came to be by choices made, choices made by the first parents and by the adoptive parents.
This bond the adoptive mother has with her child grows over time, like the child did within his first mother’s womb.
Day by day, touch by touch, with each tear, kiss, and memory made they became a family.
Adoptive mothers have that special knack to let love grow.
Adoptive mothers know that she’s a mender of wounds, not just of the physical skinned knees with a band-aid and a kiss, but of the heart.
She gives love, acceptance, and permission to ask and talk about the day he was born and of his first parents.
Adoptive mothers are embracers, not only of the child with many hugs and kisses, but of the child’s heritage and history.
She embraces the facts of her child’s past with strength for herself and the child.
She’s not only a memory maker planning family vacations, activities, and birthday parties, but also a memory keeper.
Details of a birth, photos of the hospital, and of the parents who brought her into the world are kept along side the newspaper clipping that announced it all. All these things are kept in a special book that tells the whole story.
She’s a tier of shoelaces and of hearts.
She weaves lives together into a tapestry of a new family, with many different brightly, colored threads showcasing their individualities and family origins. Together they create one unit attached to each other.
Adoptive mothers are experts at finding lost objects, but understand and validate the profound, deep loss left by adoption.
She allows the tears to fall and grief to be felt, allowing the mourning of the mom not there.
She is secure in knowing that she’s not a replacement, but a finisher of a race for someone who, for whatever reason, could not run any longer.
This role is not for the weak of spirit, or the easily wounded.
Loving a child not born to her but calling him her own, but this is what she does, it is her calling. She is a mother.
Being an adoptive mother is not for every woman.
She must possess not only the natural mother instinct but an understanding and appreciation of the situation that brought a child into her arms making her a mother.
The adoptive family came to be by choices made, choices made by the first parents and by the adoptive parents.
This bond the adoptive mother has with her child grows over time, like the child did within his first mother’s womb.
Day by day, touch by touch, with each tear, kiss, and memory made they became a family.
Adoptive mothers have that special knack to let love grow.
Adoptive mothers know that she’s a mender of wounds, not just of the physical skinned knees with a band-aid and a kiss, but of the heart.
She gives love, acceptance, and permission to ask and talk about the day he was born and of his first parents.
Adoptive mothers are embracers, not only of the child with many hugs and kisses, but of the child’s heritage and history.
She embraces the facts of her child’s past with strength for herself and the child.
She’s not only a memory maker planning family vacations, activities, and birthday parties, but also a memory keeper.
Details of a birth, photos of the hospital, and of the parents who brought her into the world are kept along side the newspaper clipping that announced it all. All these things are kept in a special book that tells the whole story.
She’s a tier of shoelaces and of hearts.
She weaves lives together into a tapestry of a new family, with many different brightly, colored threads showcasing their individualities and family origins. Together they create one unit attached to each other.
Adoptive mothers are experts at finding lost objects, but understand and validate the profound, deep loss left by adoption.
She allows the tears to fall and grief to be felt, allowing the mourning of the mom not there.
She is secure in knowing that she’s not a replacement, but a finisher of a race for someone who, for whatever reason, could not run any longer.
This role is not for the weak of spirit, or the easily wounded.
Loving a child not born to her but calling him her own, but this is what she does, it is her calling. She is a mother.
Friday, November 6, 2009
FFF...Black and White
I haven't participated in FFF for quite awhile so I thought I would join in the fun this week!
This is absolutely one of my favorite photos of pea. The sweetness of his face and those gorgeous black eyes just makes my heart swell. I took this photo on our first visit trip when pea was 4 months old. It brings back so many emotions and memories of holding my sweet boy for the first time. It was pure joy and I feel so blessed that we have these memories with him during the time we were waiting for him to come home.
For more FFF, visit Hannah's blog HERE.
This is absolutely one of my favorite photos of pea. The sweetness of his face and those gorgeous black eyes just makes my heart swell. I took this photo on our first visit trip when pea was 4 months old. It brings back so many emotions and memories of holding my sweet boy for the first time. It was pure joy and I feel so blessed that we have these memories with him during the time we were waiting for him to come home.
For more FFF, visit Hannah's blog HERE.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Captain Underpants
There's a big boy in da house! Give it up for Lil' Pea! Whoot! Whoot!
Actually, I am not sure whether I should be excited or sad that we are done with diapers (other than pull-ups at night.) I suppose it is a mix of both! Pea is doing amazingly well in his big boy underpants and it is definitely exciting to see him learning, growing, and finding his own sense of independence. His little personality is just blossoming, too. He has always been a little comedian, but lately EVERYTHING is funny and silly. He will do something silly and just crack himself up saying "that's funny!" Even when he is not trying to be funny, he is constantly cracking us up! He talks nonstop and the craziest things come out of his mouth! I just love it! For example, the other night Jason shaved off his moustache and pea said (in a very serious tone), "did you eat it, daddy?"
Here is silly pea showing off his new underpants. This picture is almost shocking to me...he looks so much older.
Daddy had to get in on the fun...(no, he did not coordinate the undies with his eyes!)
Actually, I am not sure whether I should be excited or sad that we are done with diapers (other than pull-ups at night.) I suppose it is a mix of both! Pea is doing amazingly well in his big boy underpants and it is definitely exciting to see him learning, growing, and finding his own sense of independence. His little personality is just blossoming, too. He has always been a little comedian, but lately EVERYTHING is funny and silly. He will do something silly and just crack himself up saying "that's funny!" Even when he is not trying to be funny, he is constantly cracking us up! He talks nonstop and the craziest things come out of his mouth! I just love it! For example, the other night Jason shaved off his moustache and pea said (in a very serious tone), "did you eat it, daddy?"
Here is silly pea showing off his new underpants. This picture is almost shocking to me...he looks so much older.
Daddy had to get in on the fun...(no, he did not coordinate the undies with his eyes!)
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Elmo in a Sock
Pea has been developing a strong affection for Elmo lately. It started at the babysitter's house with the movie, Elmo in Grouchland (or something like that). Everyday, pea often says, "that man took Elmo's blankie!" (In reference to the movie) We also own Elmo potty (which, by the way, we have not changed a poopy diaper in WEEKS!!! Yes, he mastered poo before pee) and we also own Elmo visits the Firehouse. With this new affection, he has been carrying around the only Elmo toy he owns...a 3" plastic Elmo.
The other night, pea decided that Elmo needed to go poopy and pea on the potty and that Elmo needed to wear jammies. Pea started pulling out his PJ's for Elmo, but of course they were too big! So, mommy came to the rescue and found some jammies for Elmo...in the sock drawer. Pea was very excited and has been carrying Elmo around in a sock for about 3 days now! It is hilarious!
The other night, pea decided that Elmo needed to go poopy and pea on the potty and that Elmo needed to wear jammies. Pea started pulling out his PJ's for Elmo, but of course they were too big! So, mommy came to the rescue and found some jammies for Elmo...in the sock drawer. Pea was very excited and has been carrying Elmo around in a sock for about 3 days now! It is hilarious!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Little Chef
Pea was particularly needy and whiny tonight as I was trying to get dinner ready so I decided to ask him to help me make dinner. He LOVES "helping" in the kitchen. His newest thing pull a chair up to the counter and try to "help" by grabbing everything in sight saying "what's this?" or "what are you making, mommy?" Over and over and over...:) I usually don't mind until he starts grabbing the knives...
So, I thought he could help me make dinner by stirring something on the stove, then I decided that was a really bad idea with mr. grabby even under the closest supervision and with my haste to get dinner done. So, instead, I put him to work making his own dinner. I grabbed a bag of dried 10 bean soup that has been in the cupboard forever, gave him some measuring cups, tupperware, measuring spoons, and let him have at it. He had a blast "making dinner." He was out of my way while also feeling like he was helping me.
Starting the soup.
Carefully measuring.
Transferring from one bowl to the next with the measuring cups.
Forget the measuring cups...
Okay, so somewhere in there, pea decided his hands were sticky so he needed to move his chair over to the sink. Now, he LOVES playing with the water in the sink. So, he got a bit distracted from his soup while getting himself wet at the sink. Actually, I was shocked to discover there was hardly any water on the floor! It all ended up on his shirt. Sooooo....
off with the shirt and back to the soup (note the wet shirt draped over the chair!).
Somehow he snuck his sippy cup of water over to the soup station, opened it up, and dumped all the water into the soup (and put some beans in his cup). Well, OF COURSE! You gotta have water for soup, right?!
Amazingly, there really were not that many beans on the floor! It was pretty fun watching him play and explore while I cooked dinner. I admit, I am not really that great at coming up with creative ideas like this so I felt like a brilliant mom tonight. hehehe! No, seriously, it is hard to balance working all day while also dealing with all of the other day to day responsibilities like cooking dinner, paying bills, etc while still fitting in quality time and activities. I sometimes have those mommy guilt moments feeling like I should be providing more structured and stimulating activities for pea at home. Anyone else feel like that sometimes? What activities do you do with your toddler?
So, I thought he could help me make dinner by stirring something on the stove, then I decided that was a really bad idea with mr. grabby even under the closest supervision and with my haste to get dinner done. So, instead, I put him to work making his own dinner. I grabbed a bag of dried 10 bean soup that has been in the cupboard forever, gave him some measuring cups, tupperware, measuring spoons, and let him have at it. He had a blast "making dinner." He was out of my way while also feeling like he was helping me.
Starting the soup.
Carefully measuring.
Transferring from one bowl to the next with the measuring cups.
Forget the measuring cups...
Okay, so somewhere in there, pea decided his hands were sticky so he needed to move his chair over to the sink. Now, he LOVES playing with the water in the sink. So, he got a bit distracted from his soup while getting himself wet at the sink. Actually, I was shocked to discover there was hardly any water on the floor! It all ended up on his shirt. Sooooo....
off with the shirt and back to the soup (note the wet shirt draped over the chair!).
Somehow he snuck his sippy cup of water over to the soup station, opened it up, and dumped all the water into the soup (and put some beans in his cup). Well, OF COURSE! You gotta have water for soup, right?!
Amazingly, there really were not that many beans on the floor! It was pretty fun watching him play and explore while I cooked dinner. I admit, I am not really that great at coming up with creative ideas like this so I felt like a brilliant mom tonight. hehehe! No, seriously, it is hard to balance working all day while also dealing with all of the other day to day responsibilities like cooking dinner, paying bills, etc while still fitting in quality time and activities. I sometimes have those mommy guilt moments feeling like I should be providing more structured and stimulating activities for pea at home. Anyone else feel like that sometimes? What activities do you do with your toddler?
Monday, October 5, 2009
What's for dinner tonight?
Savory Crescent Chicken Squares! I scored a great deal on Pillsbury crescent rolls a few weeks ago (like FREE) with fond memories of chicken crescent rolls my mom used to make when we were growing up. I found a similar recipe online and decided to give it my own little personal spin. They are extremely easy and quick. I think they turned out pretty yummy, too!
Savory Crescent Chicken Squares
6oz of cream cheese (I used the lowfat version), softened
1tbsp butter, softened
2c. cubed cooked chicken
1/2c. frozen spinach (thawed with water squeezed out)
1/2c. chopped artichoke hearts
1/4tsp salt
1/8tsp pepper
2tbsp milk
2 cans refrigerated crescent rolls (8oz)
1tbsp butter, melted
3/4c. crushed ritz crackers
1. Heat oven to 350.
2. In medium bowl, mix cream cheese and 1tbsp of butter; beat until smooth. Add chicken, spinach, artichokes, salt, pepper, and milk. Mix well.
3. Separate dough into eight rectangles. (Firmly press the perforations of the crescents together to seal.) Spoon approximately 1/2c. of chicken into the center of each rectangle. Pull corners of dough to center of chicken mixture; twist firmly. Pinch edges to seal. Place on ungreased cookie sheet. Brush tops of squares with 1tbsp of butter; sprinkle with crushed ritz crackers.
4. Bake 25-30 minutes or until golden brown.
Enjoy!
Savory Crescent Chicken Squares
6oz of cream cheese (I used the lowfat version), softened
1tbsp butter, softened
2c. cubed cooked chicken
1/2c. frozen spinach (thawed with water squeezed out)
1/2c. chopped artichoke hearts
1/4tsp salt
1/8tsp pepper
2tbsp milk
2 cans refrigerated crescent rolls (8oz)
1tbsp butter, melted
3/4c. crushed ritz crackers
1. Heat oven to 350.
2. In medium bowl, mix cream cheese and 1tbsp of butter; beat until smooth. Add chicken, spinach, artichokes, salt, pepper, and milk. Mix well.
3. Separate dough into eight rectangles. (Firmly press the perforations of the crescents together to seal.) Spoon approximately 1/2c. of chicken into the center of each rectangle. Pull corners of dough to center of chicken mixture; twist firmly. Pinch edges to seal. Place on ungreased cookie sheet. Brush tops of squares with 1tbsp of butter; sprinkle with crushed ritz crackers.
4. Bake 25-30 minutes or until golden brown.
Enjoy!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Mr. Independent
Pea has officially decided that he is the boss of the house and that he can do everything himself. It's been a lot of fun at our house! "Come here, mommy." "Do this, mommy." "Go to timeout, daddy." "Nooooooooo!! I don't want to do XYZ!" For example:
Pea: I am hungry.
Me: Okay, I will fix you some lunch.
Pea: NOOOOO!! I DON'T WANT LUNCH. (crying starts)
Me: Oh! Are you hungry?
Pea: Yes.
Me: Okay. I will get you something to eat.
Pea: NOOOOO!! I DON'T WANT SOMETHING TO EAT. (more crying and some throwing to mix it up a little.)
He then kicked it up a notch with the crying and threw something across the kitchen so he had to sit in his room for a little bit. We recently started having him go to his room when he gets mad (to the point of throwing things) to calm down. It is so funny because he just runs right into his room crying and sits in the middle of the floor. AND, he will not get up until we tell him it's okay. He will just sit there and cry until it's all out of his system and then he is fine.
On the flip side, all of his sweetness far outweighs the other stuff. One of his newest things is to run in the room saying "Look who's here, mommy?" Of course, I say "Who's here?" Pea: "It's ELI!" A couple weeks ago he asked where the sun went after it went behind the clouds so I asked him where he thought the sun went. He said "It's playing hide and seek."
A couple weeks ago Pea and I had a "mommy and Eli day." These days are very rare and I really miss them! We had a lot of fun playing at the park. And, of course, Mr. Independent was not really interested in the toddler area of the park and instead had to try out the big kid area. That is so much more fun!
Walking on the ropes.
Full steam ahead!
Pea: I am hungry.
Me: Okay, I will fix you some lunch.
Pea: NOOOOO!! I DON'T WANT LUNCH. (crying starts)
Me: Oh! Are you hungry?
Pea: Yes.
Me: Okay. I will get you something to eat.
Pea: NOOOOO!! I DON'T WANT SOMETHING TO EAT. (more crying and some throwing to mix it up a little.)
He then kicked it up a notch with the crying and threw something across the kitchen so he had to sit in his room for a little bit. We recently started having him go to his room when he gets mad (to the point of throwing things) to calm down. It is so funny because he just runs right into his room crying and sits in the middle of the floor. AND, he will not get up until we tell him it's okay. He will just sit there and cry until it's all out of his system and then he is fine.
On the flip side, all of his sweetness far outweighs the other stuff. One of his newest things is to run in the room saying "Look who's here, mommy?" Of course, I say "Who's here?" Pea: "It's ELI!" A couple weeks ago he asked where the sun went after it went behind the clouds so I asked him where he thought the sun went. He said "It's playing hide and seek."
A couple weeks ago Pea and I had a "mommy and Eli day." These days are very rare and I really miss them! We had a lot of fun playing at the park. And, of course, Mr. Independent was not really interested in the toddler area of the park and instead had to try out the big kid area. That is so much more fun!
Walking on the ropes.
Full steam ahead!
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