Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Happy 11 months!!!

mmmmmm...yummmmy teething biscuit


Can you believe it? Little pea is 11 months old!! Wow! Only a few more days, sweet pea.....


We really don't have anything to report. Still waiting...tick tock...tick tock...sigh...


I haven't posted much over the last week or so because, well, I really don't have much to say! Same old, same old...tired of waiting...aching for Eli to come home...anxious we may get kicked out again...blah, blah, blah. I am tired of "wow, I don't know how you guys do it," "why is it taking so long," "why can't you just go down and get him," and my favorite. "hang in there." I know people have the greatest intentions and, at this point, nobody even knows what to say anymore. I think we are all out of words. But, that's okay. No words are needed. We know we are surrounded by love and hope. We know on the days that we feel very low, many of you are holding up that hope for us.

But, honestly, I am really tired of myself right now!!! Can I take a vacation from myself?? I have been in such a fog the last couple of weeks. Numb is not really the right word, but it is the only one that comes to mind. I certainly don't feel "numb," yet I feel like I am just going through the motions of everyday life right now, very disconnected. My newest skill, or more like a symptom, is the ability to completely tune out everything that is going on around me with the flip of a switch. There could be 20 people in my office talking all at once and there are times I would not even notice. Pretty scary, eh? I think I am just feeling so worn out by this process, that I am turning into a zombie. I know it will pass and it is simply a coping method, but I am so ready to be DONE. There certainly is the possibility of being kicked out of PGN again and that thought makes me nauseous. But, there is nothing we can do at this point except wait and hold on tight to hope. I know this time waiting will pale in comparison to a lifetime with Eli. I know that one of these days, I will be begging for time to slow down. But, right now, this time waiting for Eli feels like an eternity!

17 comments:

Nicole said...

UH OH. I am SO hoping the package I sent you does NOT include the phrase "hang in there" or any of the sort.

Dancing in my living room to your blog song. ;) I LOVE IG and who could mute Closer to Fine? :)

Nicole said...

I get easily distracted by music....

And HAPPY 11 months, ELI! Your mom and dad will be there soon to shower you with kisses!

Jennifer & Craig said...

Happy 11 month birthday sweet Eli!!
Sending mommy & daddy much needed (((hugs))).
Jen :)

Donna said...

Happy 11 months, baby - I know what we'd all like you to get for a birthday present!!

I know you're sick of words. I know nothing helps. I know what's its like to be done.

So, just know that we all love you and are praying for your miracle!!

(((HUGS)))

Sandy said...

Just a few more days and you'll be kissin' your sweet boy. Many prayers on your behalf....

Jennifer & Derek said...

(((((HUGS)))))
(((((HUGS)))))
(((((HUGS)))))

Happy 11 Months Eli!!!

Guatemama said...

Happy 11 Months Eli!
I am praying you get the call!
Tracy

Heidi said...

I know this for sure...I COMPLETELY get what you're saying. Hope you can bring Eli home very soon! I too get so tired of the comments from other people, as well meaning as they are.

Kelly said...

Just thinking of you guys !!!!

Chris & Lindsey Wheeler said...

I'm with you...if I hear "can't you go and just pick up your baby" one more time...I might scream at the poor person. I am so sorry!! I am praying that sweet Eli gets out of PGN so soon. He needs to be home! How long will y'all be in Guatemala. We leave two weeks from today!

Blessings,
Lindsey

Jess said...

Everything you are feeling is totally understandable. I am so glad you'll get to see him in 8 days!!!

Thanks for keeping us updated on your PGN progress (or lack of), and updated on your heart. Helps me know what to pray for.

Happy 11 months sweet boy!!!

Bobbi said...

UH-OH I may have said those words lately as well. Please forgive me. I do know where you are at with all those questions though. We were not held up as long, but people still asked. It is so frustrating.

You have/are coping so well. I think this visit and such will help a lot. It is time to be with Eli. The fog will lift then.

So, I leave you with not a hang in there, but a CALL PGN and see if you have moved on to his desk.

Frances said...

My crystal ball tells me...hang ;-)...no wait...you will hear...YES...you will hear good news! But when, crystal ball! I am routing for us both!

Happy 11 months sweet boy!

Frances
Waiting on Rosalie

Becca said...

I have been where you are, A vacation from yourself - yup. Tell the next person that says, "Hang in there" just start crying - they'll leave you alone and will definitely not ask anymore questions!

Peace and Hugs,
Becca

The gFamily said...

Oh shoot! I think I am guilty of the "hang in there" comments! I am so sorry!! I promise to not say that one again!!

I will say that I am so happy that you will be down there again soon! It makes me really happy to think about!!

Happy 11 months Eli!! You are too precious for words! You have the most wonderful mommy and daddy in the whole world!

Kim said...

This whole process just simply takes too long and has way too many ups and downs. It is so hard some days, I honestly don't know how we all do it. I hope you get good news soon!

Marlene said...

Steph,
Hang in there. I have been there and know all to well about the ache your heart feels. I have added you to my prayrer list!
I called Wyatt "Sweet Pea" when he was a little guy. Before you know it your "Sweet Pea" will be 5 yrs old.